i dont know what i want to do as far as a career. i want to travel the world tho. i want to explore what the world has to offer me. i want to stray from my typical role of following the rules. i dont want to live in fear anymore. im tired of living this cookie cutter life. i havent been able to live for me yet. im ready to break free from these imaginary chains.
your the only one i feel safe telling it to. thanks.
ive kinda been tlkin to this guy who is a friend. but idk if i call him that. he calls me tht tho. he urks me when he tlks about his life. hes sooooo negative! like he drains me when he tlks about his problems. like dude let me breathe! and half the time hes just over dramatic and i think its cus hes an only child. idk wht to tell him anymore but im over it! like i would love to be there for him but i just can’t!
this thing called life…
has got me all over the place. so over school. and how im supposed to have everything together as i graduate in may. everyone has been asking me what im going to do and giving me sympathy for not getting into a nursing program, meanwhile im over like dude i dont even want to do nursing! in all honesty im not sure what i want to do. im honestly just scared if i can do nursing! is it sad tht i want to tlk to my ex. for he was soo supportive of me on anything i wanted to do. when i was down and out bout school he’d say kind words and tell me i can do it & tht im smart. now youd think my friends would say tht but they dont. but when he said it , it sounded so sincere! he made me feel better and confident about myself. i wish he never had the power to do tht but he did! he made me feel every type of way each day
i never know how to feel anymore. i like him. i told him some of my deepest secrets but im still hurt. i want to be happy but life wont let me be. everything is every where in my life as in this. why does he keep tlkin to this girl. i dnt like her but tht doesnt mean ish. y cant i say something about it. why do i bite my tongue. why doesnt he want to be with me. why does his past scare him frm wanting to try with me. is this a for now thing or a never thing. i hate to be tht nagging bitch but i cant help it. idk why but i want to hurt myself now more than i ever wanted to before. i dnt kno why im doing with my future. i keep playing bout how wht im guna do if i dnt get accepted but reality is i wont kno wht to do. i dnt know who i can tlk to. the one i want to would make it awkward. he wont understand. uhh this time of year gets to me every year. i get so emotional. do i have seasonal depression.
ill share many things but not my dick! fools must think im crazy but if im fuckin with its mines…! shiiittt
I promised myself I wouldn’t tell you this shit but tomorrow’s uncertainty promotes the urgency in this…
What happened to you?? You use to care, well at least you pretended lik you did. You told me u loved me & I ran with it. You had ambition when I first me you. You had goals u wanted to go Tennessee after u graduated. You were doin well in school. You took care of yourself. && now I feel lik you let yourself go. When it should be the other way around.
I think about you daily. I have love you
I love you and always will simply because I was in love with you. How ever I will never understand how I have continued to stick it out with u. U have hurt me time & time again.
I remember everything tht means something to me. I remember the first time u told me I was safe with u. I remember the first time we kissed. I remember the first date we never had. I remember all the times u have stood me up & lied to me. The time u tried to tlk to my friend. The times u made me cry. I remember it all!
It’s like I’ve been waiting for something, the inevitable! Hopeing, wanting, wishing for you to come to ur sense and want to work on us. I never gave up on the thought of us. It’s hard to pretend to the world like you don’t exist anymore but truth is u do. I think about you daily! Literally daily. I pray for you and ur well being. the thought tht maybe just one day me and you will be back together. But today the reality has come crashing down! Reading your words is a realization tht I will never amount to what you had with her, but only if you knew how no one could amount to you in my world! It hurts. really really hurts to kno ill never amount to anything. I’m loosing my mind here!